Books Whisper

Pro-bation? Why not anti-bation?

2009-12-24T03:39:44Z

Well I passed everything, but thanks to Prof Innes the Idiot giving me a D- my GPA is 1.92 and that puts me on academic probation. Should be able to manage a 2.0 next semester to get off of it... Otherwise 2 C's and a B.

Got a nasty burn from those skillet plates at the Ribeye tonight, too.

A Word Spoken in Haste...

2009-11-19T07:03:34Z

Just reread some of the awful things I've said about Jose in past journals and realized those things are incredibly hurtful. I should be happy that he makes Claire happy. No, I don't know all the dynamics of their relationship and it's unfair for me to assume that Claire doesn't get anything out of that relationship even if it seems one-sided to me. Jose's never been anything but nice to me and to Claire. I'm only sorry Claire had to see those entries and tell me off about them for me to see that.

Don't know what to do about Claire. I said I was jealous of her relationship with Jessica, but that friendship is full of sharing. Claire has made efforts this week, but I don't know how to change anything. I blog my problems, talk to my reflection, or go to my mother. I'm really uncomfortable sharing feelings with people my age. My friendships have never been like that.

My ideal friend is someone who shares my sense of humor and is someone who I have lots of fun with. Having fun together is more important than heavy discussions. If that can eventually flow, then maybe Claire and I can be as close as her and Jess. But I call friends, when I want to forget my responsibilities and doubts for a while and just have a good time. If I can lose the imaginary friends that I usually keep with me, I know that I'm happy to be where I am because I don't need them. If Claire ever needs to talk, I hope she knows I'll always be willing to listen and I know she'd return the sentiment. I'm just not willing to divulge something weighty yet... I hope she understands.

Restrictions

2009-11-10T05:15:42Z

So Thursday my ankle popped out from under me on the stairs outside of David Kenley Hall. My hands were in my pockets so I couldn't even attempt to catch myself, but luckily I landed in some mulch under the nearby bushes. I've got a sprained ankle though and it's still swollen after the weekend. It doesn't hurt a lot but it is inconvenient.

Picked up Dracula at the library and want to get started on reading it, but I have that English essay to rewrite this week so I HAVE to make that a priority. And also many of my online stories got updated this week and I really want to read the new chapters.

The 20 Categories of Dreams

2009-11-04T07:14:49Z

To save myself the trouble of rifling through papers, I'm posting my dream reference chart here.

The 20 categories of dreams:

Flushing - the brain processing things; God uses to shower and cleanse us of things we come into contact with. Usually the dreams about random parts of your day.

Healing - bring forgiveness or love to someone we don't like; or physical healing

Calling - revealing vocation, calling, or ministry that God has for us

Warning - dreams that warn us not to do certain things

Body - results of chemical imbalances in the body (often in sickness)

Chemical - drug induced

False - dreams from Satan

Dark - reveal Satan's plans (will be in grayscale or muted colors)

Courage - gives you the courage to act on something

Correction - God gives you a different course to act on or a change in behavior is needed

Self-Condition - Tells where you stand with God

Direction - God gives a specific direction in life

Intersession - dreams that want us to pray for someone else

Revelation - prophetic dreams about things that will happen

Fear - dreams of the fears we have; tell of our inner weaknesses. (Fears and bitterness allow Satan to have legal ground to attack us)

Inventions - dreams that give us something new

Words of Knowledge - wisdom

Deliverance - removing demonization and attacks from our lives

Spiritual Warfare - attacks against us or others, often involving some life-threatening event

Soul - soul is the mind, will, and emotions. Spirit is wisdom, communion, and conscience. Body is flesh, blood, and bone. Soul dreams come from wanting something so badly we dream of it.

Hate Me Today

2009-11-03T06:32:30Z

I was just imaginging my ideal "meet cute" and then the guy goes back to a group of mutual friends and asks them about me, but I realize I have no idea what anyone would say. I don't think any of my friends really know what I'm like. I'd probably lose this guy's interest for being inaccurately depicted.

I know this is an imaginary scenario and still my raincloud ruins it. Why do all my horrible things happen during my monthlies when I'm likely to be most upset and unable to handle them? My doubts swirl around and poke at me on these days the most. The littlest things ruin my mood. Like this evening, I was sending pics to Jess of Claire's initial gown shopping trip like she's been asking me to do all weekend. As soon as I start, she texts back and says "How many of these are coming? 'cause I'm trying to sleep!" At 10:45. So I'd said I'd send the rest tomorrow.

I hate my english professor. I worked so hard to get my late paper in by 5 o'clock a few weeks ago and he didn't even check his mailbox for 2 days and asked "Where's your essay?" Last Friday, he passes back the essays with TYPED comments for the rewrite opportunity. Late papers would be passed back on Monday - today. The point of turning my paper in late was to get some credit for it, however meager my score. Not only is it an F, it is a zero percent F. I might as well not have stressed so badly to get it to him in the first place if I received no credit. AND he doesn't bother with any comments for me to work with on a rewrite. He scrawls "This is unacceptable. I don't think you put any time into this." Nothing about what was there and if I was on the right track. How am I supposed to work off of that? He didn't even take the time to type his comments like he did with everyone else. I'm already disappointed with myself. He didn't have to be such a jerk.

The Devil's in my ear about friendship again too. About how my friends know I'm nice but don't do anything with me. I'm so bitter about Jessica's relationship with Claire right now. Why does she have a key to Claire's apartment when she doesn't even live in town this semester and always waits until Claire is home before coming over any way? Why does Claire invite her places and not me even when I'm standing right there when she does it? Why am I the last to hear about Claire's problems when her facebook says she had a horrible weekend or something and she only felt she could "bother" Jessica with it? Am I not as good a friend as she is? Do I still put out that "holier than thou" vibe that people labeled me with in school? I don't remember ever shoving my Christianity in someone's face and still people mind their language around me and say things like "I'm surprised you're still here when we're all drinking", "I'm surprised you liked my facebook status of that sex joke", or "I didn't think you listened to this kind of music." I shouldn't be made to feel like I have to apologize for loving the Lord most of my life. I love that people can see Him in me, but I hate that they shirk away when all I've ever done is love my friends.

On our trip to David's Bridal, Claire ran into Sarah Stumpf (always her maiden name in reference for me) in the parking lot while Jess and I were already in the car. They chatted and Sarah walked off; no waving to us or anything. I've known Sarah since elementary school and had small group with her every Wednesday for the three years of middle school. I've never even met her two children. I didn't even know she was pregnant her second time around until Claire texted about not being able to come with me somewhere because she was at the hospital with Sarah in labor. And as far as I know, Sarah is Christian and has appointed Claire as her children's godmother. Sirius Black totally corrupted the title of what a godparent is. It is a person responsible for the religious upbringing of a child if something happens to the parents. Claire doesn't have a religion, or if she does, it isn't Christianity. I'm most disappointed about not being invited to her wedding a few years ago. Our parents are even friends. I barely know most of the Hoerrs and yet I'm invited to every one of their and the Leman weddings.

I even had a dream this past weekend of being excluded from Claire's wedding. I was driving all over on last-minute errands and arrived at the church to help lace Claire, very meticulously, into her dress. It all took so long that I had no time to get myself ready and since I wasn't presentable on time, I couldn't be in the wedding. I'd done everything for them and they all could just march past me without a thought. Cinderella much? The bridesmaids wore purple, and I was even wearing this casual purple outfit that could have worked, but it was so casual that I wasn't even permitted to attend the ceremony.

If I'm such a good friend and everyone has a good time with me, why am I excluded and pushed away so often? I hate today, and I hate that my feelings are so easily hurt.

Movie Mush

2009-10-27T06:16:27Z

So I've been distracted in class and made a list of my favorite romantically relavant quotes from movies (Books would make this list way longer). Maybe I'll do another one of just really awesome quotes someday...

-Ever After-

DaVinci: I know that a life without love is no life at all.
Prince Henry: And love without trust? What of that?
DaVinci: She's your match, Henry.

Prince Henry: Actually I came to beg your forgiveness. I offered you the world and at the first test of honor I betrayed your trust.

-Moulin Rouge!-

Christian: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Argentinian: Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself. It always ends BAD!

Satine: I don't need you anymore! All my life you made me believe I was only worth what someone would pay for me! But Christian loves me. He loves me, Harold. He LOVES me, and that is worth everything.

-Shakespeare in Love-

Viola (as Thomas): Tell me how you love her, Will.
Will: Like a sickness and its cure together.

Viola: This is not life - it is a stolen season.

Will: My love is no lie. I have a wife, yes, and I cannot marry the daughter of Sir Robert De Lesseps. You needed no wife come from Stratford to tell you that, and yet, you let me come to your bed.
Viola: Calf-love. I loved the writer and gave up the prize for a sonnet.
Will: I was the more deceived.
Viola: Yes, you were deceived, for I did not know how much I loved you. I love you, Will... beyond poetry.
Will: [kisses her] You ran from me before.
Viola: Oh when I thought you dead I did not care about all the plays that would never come, only that I would never see your face.

-Thumbelina-

Thumbelina: And we'll live happily ever after.
Cornelius: Oh much longer.

-Memoirs of a Geisha-

Chiyo: Every step I have taken has been to bring myself closer to you.

-Hercules-

Megara: Sometimes it's better to be alone.
Hercules: What do you mean?
Megara: Nobody can hurt you.

Megara: People always do crazy things... when they're in love.

-The Notebook-

Allie: It's over. Okay, it's over! Go on get out of here. Leave! Go! ... Wait, we're not really breaking up are we? This is just a fight we're having and tomorrow it'll be like it never happened, right?

Allie: Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me! I waited for you for seven years. And now it's too late.
Noah: I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you every day for a year.
Allie: You wrote me?
Noah: Yes! It wasn't over. It still isn't over!

-The Princess Bride-

Wesley: Can you move at all?
Buttercup: Move? You're alive! If you want I could fly.

-The Last of the Mohicans-

Cora: The whole world's on fire.

Nathaniel: Just stay alive! I will find you.

-The Lion King-

Simba: Yuck! I can't marry her. She's my friend.

-The Joy Luck Club-

Ying Ying: Do you know what you want? I mean, from him.
Lena: Respect. Tenderness.
Ying Ying: Then tell him now. And leave this lop-sided house. Do not come back until he gives you these things, with both hands open.

An Mei: You think he sees this pie, now he's so sorry he takes you for granted? You think this, you the foolish one. Every time you give him gift, like begging! Take this. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'm not worth as much as you? So he only takes you more for granted.

Rose: It's not your fault, none of it. I was the one who told you that my love wasn't good enough; that your love was worth more than mine. I was so full of shit.

-Anastasia-

Dimitri: That- that dress is really beautiful.
Anya: Do you think so?
Dimitri: Yeah. I mean it was nice on the hanger, but it looks even better on you. Y-you should wear it.
Anya: I am wearing it.
Dimitri: Oh, right! I'm just- I was just trying to give you a...
Anya: Compliment?

-Kate & Leopold-

Leopold: You require a chaperone. His intentions are obvious.
Kate: I'm alone with you. Do I need a chaperone?
Leopold: We are not courting, Kate. If we were, as a man of honor, I would have informed you of my intentions in writing.

Leopold: Otis always told me love is a leap. Lamentably, I was never inspired to jump.

-Corpse Bride-

Emily: Wait. I was a bride. My dreams were taken from me. Now- now I've stolen them from someone else. I love you, Victor, but you are not mine.

-Pocahontas-

John: I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.

-The Royal Tenenbaums-

Margot: I think we're just going to have to be secretly in love with each other.

-Titanic-

Rose: When this ship docks, I'm getting off with you.
Jack: This is crazy!
Rose: I know! It doesn't make any sense. That's why I trust it.

Cal: Where are you going? To him? To be a whore to a gutter rat!
Rose: I'd rather be his whore than your wife.

-Shining Through-

Linda: You did love me, didn't you? I couldn't have been wrong.
Edward: You weren't.

-Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-

Li Mu Bai: I would rather be a ghost drifting by your side as a condemned soul than enter heaven without you. Because of your love, I will never be a lonely spirit.

Jen: Do you remember the story of the little boy?
Lo: A faithful heart makes wishes come true.
Jen: Make a wish, Lo.

-V For Vendetta-

V: Did you like it?
Evey: Yeah. But it made me feel sorry for Mercedes.
V: Why?
Evey: Because he cared more about revenge than he did about her.

Evey: I don't want you to die.
V: That's the most beautiful thing you could have given me.

-Sense and Sensibility-

Marianne: Can he love her? Can the soul really be satisfied with such polite affection? To love is to burn, to be on fire. Like Juliet or Guinevere or Eloise.
Mrs. Dashwood: All of them had rather pathetic ends, my dear.
Marianne: Pathetic! To die for love? How can you say so? What could be more glorious?

Marianne: Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends wih the remover to remove. Oh, no. It is an ever fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Willoughby... Willoughby... Willoughby.

-Tristan and Isolde-

Isolde: How many did you love before me?
Tristan: None.
Isolde: And after me?
Tristan: None.

-Gone with the Wind-

Rhett: Open your eyes, look at me. No, I don't think I will kiss you - although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.

-The Mask of Zorro-

Alejandro (as Zorro): Do you surrender?
Elena: Never. But I may scream.
Alejandro: I understand. Sometimes I have that effect...

Elena: When I sleep, I will dream of this dashing rogue Zorro. But what face shall I give him?
Alejandro: He has been many different men, but he has loved you as all of them.

-Armageddon-

AJ: I really don't think that the animal cracker qualifies as a cracker.
Grace: Why?
AJ: Well because it's sweet which to me suggests cookie... and I think putting cheese on something is sort of the defining characteristic of what makes a cracker a cracker. I don't know why I thought of that...
Grace: Baby, you have such sweet pillow talk.

-The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring-

Gimli: I have been dealt a wound beyond all healing, for I have looked my last upon that which is fairest. Henceforth, I will call nothing fair unless it be her gift to me.
Legolas: What was her gift?
Gimli: I asked for one hair from her golden head... she gave me three.

Arwen: Do you remember when we first met?
Aragorn: I thought I had strayed into a dream.
Arwen: Long years have passed. You did not have the cares you carry now. Do you remember what I told you?
Aragorn: You said you'd bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people.
Arwen: And to that I hold. I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. [places her necklace in his hand] I choose a mortal life.
Aragorn: You cannot give me this.
Arwen: It is mine to give to whom I will - like my heart.

-The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers-

Arwen: Go to sleep.
Aragorn: I am asleep. This is a dream.
Arwen: Then it is a good dream.

Arwen: If you trust nothing else, trust this. Trust us.

Aragorn: You have a chance for another life... away from war... grief... despair.
Arwen: Why are you saying this?
Aragorn: I am mortal, you are elf kind. It was a dream, Arwen. Nothing more.
Arwen: I don't believe you.
Aragorn: [holds out her necklace] This belongs to you.
Arwen: It was a gift. [curls his hand around it] Keep it.

Elrond: He is not coming back. Why do you linger here when there is no hope?
Arwen: There is still hope.
Elrond: If Aragorn survives this war, you will still be parted. If Sauron is defeated and Aragorn made king and all that you hope for comes true, you will still have to taste the bitterness of mortality. Whether by the sword or the slow decay of time, Aragorn will die. And there will be no comfort for you; no comfort to ease the pain of his passing. He will come to death, an image of the splendor of kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world. But you, my daughter, you will linger on in darkness and in doubt as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Here you will dwell bound to your grief under the fading trees until all the world is changed and the long years of your life are utterly spent.

-The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King-

Arwen: Tell me what you have seen! You have the gift of foresight. What did you see?
Elrond: I looked into your future and I saw death.
Arwen: But there is also life. You saw there was a child! You saw my son.
Elrond: That future is almost gone.
Arwen: But it is not lost.
Elrond: Nothing is certain.
Arwen: Some things are certain. If I leave him now, I will regret it forever.

Eowyn: The city has fallen silent. There is no warmth left in the sun.
Faramir: No. It is only the damp of the first spring rain. I do not believe this darkness will endure.

-Beauty and the Beast-

Beast: That HURTS!
Belle: If you'd hold still, it wouldn't hurt as much!
Beast: If you hadn't run away, this wouldn't have happened.
Belle: If you hadn't frightened me, I wouldn't have run away!
Beast: Well YOU shouldn't have been in the West Wing!
Belle: Well you should learn to control your temper. Now hold still, this might sting a little.
Beast: (winces)
Belle: By the way, thank you... for saving my life.
Beast: You're welcome.

Belle: Oh, this is all my fault! If only I'd gotten here sooner.
Beast: Maybe... maybe it's better this way.
Belle: Don't talk like that. You'll be all right. We're together now, everything's going to be fine. You'll see.
Beast: At least I got to see you... one last time.
Belle: No. Please, please don't leave me. I love you.

-Nicholas Nickelby-

Madeline: Nicholas, I feel you know what it is to be without happiness, but do you know what it's like to be afraid of it? To see the world as so conniving you cannot take pleasure in the appearance of something good... because you suspect it is only a painted drop behind which other troubles lie. That has been my life. Every good thing has been a trick. Until you.

-Don Juan DeMarco-

Don Juan: Have you never met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her. You taste her. You see your unborn children in her eyes and know that your heart has at last found a home. Your life begins with her, and without her it must surely end.

-Pride & Prejudice-

Mr. Darcy: If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever... If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you, you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

What are some of your favorites?

Raspy and Studious

2009-09-20T05:23:07Z

So worried about this "mini-exam" for American Lit survey on Monday. The word "mini" is a misnomer; there is TONS to do on this exam.

My throat hurts this week. Tonight it's at that stage where breathing dries it out no matter how you coat it (with honey, peanut butter, cough drops, or gum). It doesn't really bother me until I need to swallow. I can't have a repeat of that sore throat when I was 15! I just can't go through that again. I drank SO much water to no avail even though it was torture.

Learning lots in French. I tried to watch a well-known movie in French just to see how much I could catch. Oh my gosh, it's too fast to distinguish word breaks until you hear something familiar. The song "Under the Sea" had to be changed to "Under the Water" because I kept waiting to hear "mer" for "sea" but instead Sebastian kept singing "sous l'eau"... The French Ariel could sing pretty well though!

Got to get to making that t-shirt. Going to get Kinko's to doctor a regular shirt instead of getting some paper-thin tank with an altered pic for copyright purposes from a site like Zazzle or CafePress....

Dancing with the Stars starts Monday. The new season of the Office has started and Project Runway is well underway. TV's going good for fall.

The Last Week

2009-08-22T02:12:38Z

Rocked at Rock's last night. Saw Danielle for the first time in ages for karaoke. We sang "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood together. Definitely have to call her next week and watch anime with her. Got home about 1-ish and was so tired for Experience Illinois this morning. The ARC building is amazing though! Found out where my new bud, Emily, lives on campus and it's not too far so I could see her easily enough.

I've caught a sniffle from somewhere. I've been so many different places and interacted with so many people this week, it's impossible to determine from where or whom I was infected.

Found Evan Johnson on Facebook just in time for his b-day on Aug 23rd. I'll give him a call and see what he's up to. I've always thought he was handsome, but he's not very loquacious and we don't have much in common.

Trying to find something tasteful, cute, and not to fan-obsessed to wear to the New Moon premiere in November. I think I'm just gonna design something on CafePress...

Still need to get over to Claire's to return her music and check out her new place. I also want to attend my cousin's wedding reception tomorrow, but it's at the same time as a movie and swimming on campus. I haven't been able to swim at all this summer and really want to take advantage of it, but dancing is cool too. What to do? Where has all my free time gone?

Summer Reading Reflections

2009-08-20T04:50:21Z

So I'm majorly disappointed in myself this summer. I really wanted to finish up The Cell; it's past a year for an update. I started a Twilight PWP on impulse and I didn't finish that either.

I have been reading, just not books. Tons upon tons of fan fiction. And while I'm not sorry about all the awesome things I've come across, there's something magic about curling up with pages between your fingers.

Also, not that I object or anything, but what is with all the smut in the Twilight genre? FFnet is hosting zesty lemons under that fandom. When people in the Avatar: tLA tried to do stuff like that, it was reported and the story was removed. I specifically edited my story content for that site and posted in full on sites like Adult FFnet. Yeah the sex is hot and it's a natural part of life, but I really believe FFnet should be without that stuff. If I want to read about thrusting, licking, etc. I'll visit other sites. If the stories weren't so awesome with tons of reviews that would be lost, I'd be of a mind to report them...

Newly loved discoveries from all my reading:

"chlorinated coitus" - Son of a Preacher Man, chapter 12

"I held tight to the skin that stretched over iron" - Tropic of Virgo, chapter 4 (most prosaic sounding erection ever)

I was hit with an impromptu haiku after reading chapter 8 of Tropic of Virgo:

His voice and the notes
Reverberate down my spine
I belong to him

"I had just received the immortal equivalent to a tracking chip" - Ithaca is Gorges, chapter 14 (referring to Edward meeting Demetri)

"As he spoke, there was a soft smashing in the distance... of a skull shattering on the rocks, and of a lifeless body being pulled out to sea." - Elegiac, chapter 4 (creepy, haunting, eloquent, horrible, beautiful ending to an amazing story.)

And "The List" Oh God, THE List! The most fantastic fantasies of Edward Cullen you can conjure.

It is You I Have Loved All Along

2009-05-24T21:42:03Z

I guess the first important detail is watching Edison middle school students have a big party around the new library. The song "Cobrastyle" was playing.

Translation: Something ungodly that is causing problems now entered my life back in middle school.

After playing Mario Kart Wii in the library with some friends (Claire, Jose, and Ben) I need to go home. The library parking lot has two ways to get to my car. One is a concrete staircase, the other is a muddy slope resembling a staircase. Haley Jones (someone who has strayed far from God) is already trying to navigate the muddy slope. I choose the muddy slope as well. As soon as I descend two steps, the stairs sink lower from the level surface of the parking lot. The stairs back to the top are slick mud and I'm too far down to pull myself up.

A girl named Ivy is still on the level and she reaches out for Haley's hand. Haley grabs onto my hand and our chain is long and strong enough to get back up to level ground. I know now, the only way to get to my car is the concrete staircase.

Translation: What I'm trying isn't working. I've strayed and it's sinking me. I need God (the Rock) to get where I need to go.

After descending the safe, solid staircase, Ben Boltinghouse is waiting by my car. He declares (in a very Mr. Darcy kind of way) that he has always loved me, and the way he chooses to act around me is just because he had trouble making me see just how much he loves me. I fall into his embrace and tell him that I desire him as well, but I can't say I love him just yet. He offers to drive me home; I take him up on it.

Translation: I associate Ben with Christianity. Yes, I like Ben the man, but Ben represents Jesus in this dream. Jesus loves me and sometimes I can't see that. If I can't say I love him, it's because my relationship with the Lord needs desperate work. Cars are vocations or ministries in dreams. I can't minister to myself; I need to take the journey with Jesus.

I've always been a dreamer. I'm just happy I'm not so blind that I can't recognize them as the way God speaks to me. He's got my undivided attention in unconsciousness.

Walk, Crunch, Heave

2009-04-23T20:25:52Z

Things like this just don't happen to me. I'm walking around the block enjoying this fine weather with my iPod and this guy running his dog asks for directions, introduces himself, inquires my stats, and asks me out. Instead of giving him my number, I asked for his and have no intentions of following through. I'm not putting myself through a date when I won't want to take it anywhere else. He wasn't bad looking or scary or anything, but I have my reasons. I know this sounds really, really terrible, but my father would shoot me if I dated someone of color, and secondly, he's a dog person. Charlie is actually the only guy I've ever had an official date with and I had time in class to get comfortable enough with him in that sense. I won't date a stranger; it's just too intimidating.

Two weeks left of school. It's crunch time. I've been awake since ten last night. I am going to crash so hard soon and none of my homework will be done for tomorrow.

Also read this most awesome of awesome AUs of Twilight. A Little Mermaid twist (with a hint of Labyrinth)! Elegiac: www.fanfiction.net/s/4483930/1/
I can't stop thinking about it. It's like RedNovember's stories in that it was really enthralling and beautiful, but the ending messes you up. You get this sick, queasy feeling because the less-than-happy conclusion was worded so eloquently and the concept is kind of horrific. Yeah, it's good, but it's creepy as hell!

I guess it's a really secret garden

2009-03-13T16:57:21Z

Why hasn't my British Lit teacher ever heard of The Secret Garden? He's never even seen the movie.

We were discussing Robert Browning's "My Last Duchess" and I thought the concept was similar to Colin's mom's portrait in Secret Garden; "she smiles too much". He said, "What is The Secret Garden" like he didn't even know it was a story! How do you get away with that? As a teacher? Does he live under a rock?

Let's write it down and see how much actually gets done

2009-03-02T07:22:22Z

Fan projects I want to do:
-Ingo fan art!
-Ingo fan fiction
-Ravenhearst fan art
-update The Cell
-develop the secret, sexy writing project
-finish the Poison Apple gift art

Could possibly work on several of these while suffering through Fight Club for Liberal Arts class this week. Screw the midterm. I wanna shoot the guy in class who nominated that film for our next paper. I would've taken anything else and there were some really good ones nominated (Remember the Titans, The Insider, Good Will Hunting, A Beautiful Mind, Pan's Labyrinth, Goodnight and Good Luck, East Is East). When the titles had been narrowed down to three, the vote of the class was 6 to 6 to 7 and one guy refused to vote. If he had, it would've tied the vote for a revote with just two titles and swung the 6 remaining votes against Fight Club. My schedule rocks this semester, but I'm starting to really hate all my classes except for Psych.

Talk, Guess, and Watch

2009-01-28T02:44:12Z

I get to see two friends on the same day! Claire had some availble time to come and visit for an hour and a half or so. I lent her Breaking Dawn on the way out. Jessica made it over before Claire left, and they took a crack at my shuffle game on facebook and guessed so many! Then Jess and I ordered pizza, which came with no pepperoni and an extra breadstick, and watched MirrorMask. I love how it's nearly macabre and Jessica really liked the movie. She had to depart to do psych homework and I have some reading to do as well. But it was nice to chill with friends this afternoon. I might actually sleep tonight, considering I made myself rise at 9:30 to enjoy the day. Oh and to remind myself where it is, I lent Jessica my copy of Eclipse. My friends are just turning into Twilight curiosities and it's great to discuss the drama and the sappy of this new sensation of a fandom with them!

My tummy hurts from too much pizza...

Something to Work Towards

2009-01-22T07:40:51Z

Mom proposed a rather interesting prospect a few weeks ago and I really like the idea. I'm sure as I approach the end of getting my degree I might get ambitions to use it, but as of now my goal is just to get a degree, forget the teaching certification, and move down to Maui. I'd get a job and pay rent to stay at Nancy and Ted's if they'd have me. I know I struggled through the visit that summer when I was 17 but in hindsight I see I should've trusted Nancy more. The things we ended up doing together and the places she took me were really awesome and I was too timid and homesick to want to enjoy them at the time. Tropical weather would be wonderful. It's such an appealing idea. All Mom wants is for me to get my Bachelor's. I can do that for her; it won't be so hard. Choosing a career seems more daunting, but working at a surf shop in paradise is a scenario that takes the pressure off somehow.

Classes are going well. Liberal Arts is cool enough; the teacher is friendly. Psych is psych. I love psychology and I get that this course is Human Growth and Development, but I get tired of studying pregnancy and birth. How many classes take us through conception and prenatal development? High school Bio and Anatomy, Child Development, College Bio, and now Psychology. It's easy, just monotonous right now.

British Literature II is a different story. The teacher is so soft spoken. He's got a lovely voice for reading the poems we're studying, it's just hard to pay attention to in the lecture. The subject isn't one I'm so enthusiastic about either. I've had Drama and Intro to Fiction for other Lit courses and those were exciting, and the teachers were loud and funny. The time just passes so slowly in Brit Lit though... I hope it gets better when we start Dickens' novel.

Dinner was bad tonight. The supermarket chicken wasn't meaty enough and the other parts of it felt slimey to me. String cheese tasted off. And of course storebought brownies are never good, but these tasted like baked cardboard. I munched on some M&M's before Mom brought me some runny instant Mac and Cheese. Why does this happen to me so often? When a good meal is prepared, I feel full in just a few bites, so of course I'm hungry again in no time and then nothing sounds good. I mean we have a fully stocked kitchen and I want to run to Steak n' Shake at 1 in the morning.

It's a Happy One Now.

2008-12-20T06:34:29Z

Wow, I'm barely a half hour into my new decade, and I've already received three birthday wishes. Claire calls me up with tidings from her and Jose. And Booter-Freak remembers little ol' me and sent a note on DevArt. I feel welcomed into this age now.

The Big Two Oh

2008-12-20T05:55:02Z

This is weird. I keep glancing at the clock thinking that as the minutes tick by I should be closer to feeling older. I'm not officially twenty until 4:06 p.m. tomorrow, but it's like I'm expecting something to happen when the clock strikes midnight. It's the end of an era. I'm officially leaving the adolescent phase of life. With this short hair, I don't even look like my old self. Why should a number be so scary and exciting? Would I even still want to be a teenager if I could stay here? I feel like I didn't even live up to being a real teenager; I played it safe and smart. I wish I would've had a little more stupid fun.

I'm sure the Twilight phase I've fallen into isn't helping as it's all about being an ageless vampiric teen for eternity...

For a Moment

2008-12-14T10:39:00Z

I have just realized that in six days I will no longer be a teenager.

Reunited

2008-11-29T22:51:47Z

Claire just left. So good to see her after all this time. She liked my new hair and I lent her Twilight so she could get on with reading it and we can see it together with my free movie tickets. We got to talking about high school faculty and she couldn't remember her sophomore english teacher so we broke out the yearbooks and I remembered she had never signed my senior one. She signed it right then and there and dated it. After almost two years out of high school. Life's funny sometimes. I love Claire so much.

Claire's recommended fandoms: Fruits Basket and Grey's Anatomy

Chopped

2008-11-27T00:51:09Z

It's gone. It's all gone. Ages five, twelve, and now almost twenty. I really space out my hair cuts, but they're so much more drastic that way. I wanted to do this before graduating high school and never found the nerve. I guess the only way this could happen was for it to be a quick decision and all at once. More manageable, healthier looking, and stylish, but so much of it is gone...

The Twilight Influence

2008-11-18T07:30:01Z

Was so disgusted with the weather this morning. Snowing! It truly is winter.

Cleared up by afternoon. Had a story due for creative writing using one of those "in media res" sentences from the last assignment. Just finished at 10:30 only to find a confusing email postponing all turn-ins until the 19th. I'm glad I wasn't aware of more time. It's out of the way now. I have an exam in Education that I'm not prepared for though. All that writing didn't give me a chance to do the study guides. I'll have to glance at them in the morning. I'm four weeks behind in post-it note stand ins for quiz scores. Why can't he just quiz us? Will definitely have to do the make-up activities for those 40 points.

My blood typing kit came today! I probably got Mom really queasy making her help me squeeze the blood from my finger but I was clotting too fast to do it myself. Last semester's Biology with punnett squares and reading Twilight made me curious and resolved to find out my blood type since my doctors and birth certificate refuse to tell me. I couldn't even calculate my odds with a punnett square because Mom doesn't know her blood type. Dad knows his 'cause he was in the army... Only I didn't know the genotype (BO or BB?). So with Dad B+, I was expecting to have a little exotic blood too, but I'm O+. I feel strangely relieved and confident finally knowing my blood type after almost 20 years of life.

Having fun DVR-ing Monk episodes. It's a great detective show; just my pace. Makes me feel smart enough to help solve the case with the show, and other times surprises me and gets me concerned for the characters.

And, and, and! the Twilight movie premieres this week! I was planning to call Linda or Claire to attend with me, but I might go alone on Friday afternoon. I'm so excited! I'm not even a two-month fan of the series and I'm getting instant gratification of being able to buy all the books without waiting for another sequel and getting a movie shortly after! The casting looks superb. Is it really only Tuesday? I can hardly wait.

Verbiage II

2008-11-14T04:37:38Z

Took a long bath in my white tea blossom foam and listened to Memoirs of a Geisha soundtrack. Also tried some Zen breathing exercises in the hot water and felt so relaxed and heady from the extra oxygen. And a nice end to my evening was Pam and Jim reunited at the end of tonight's The Office episode. Yay!

I'm considering making a habit of listing words I fancy whenever the mood strikes me to think out a new list. This week I'm rather partial to:

Decadence
Bloom
Habiliments
Cirrus
Pillow

Warm, Unseasonably So

2008-10-31T21:26:12Z

Okay well forget the Halloween weather I've known every year since I've been alive, because today is gorgeous! I just came in from reading on a sun soaked blanket in the yard. I got away with wearing shorts! But the shadows are longer now and my feet caught the breeze too much to stay warm. Thanks to Midnight Sun all I could think about out there was an Edward perched in the weeping beech next to me.

Texted Claire to see if she knew of any parties going down. Bonus that Halloween's on a Friday this year for those kinds of people. She had something to do at Jessica's mom's work and later her and Jose were gonna see that "so-and-so and so-and-so make a porno" movie. She said she'd definitely pursue seeing me this coming week. I'm pushing Twilight on her so we can see the movie on November 21st together.

Getting over the Wise's tonight. Hopefully there will be a better turn out of Trick-or-Treaters this year than last. Should probably make Clark watch Monsters Inc. while I'm over there.

Looked around for my "This is my Costume" t-shirt this morning. Couldn't find it and went with my L shirt instead since it is his birthday today. Happy Birthday, L! *is so lame for celebrating character b-days* Don't know if I'll wear that tonight or my Colonel Mustang uniform... Didn't see anyone dressed up on campus so I was happy that I went with the t-shirt this morning though.

Also offered Prof Lemons the bashing ads of Dancing with the Stars result show from a few weeks back since we watched political ads for class today. He's such a nice teacher. He keeps my interest in a topic I don't really care much for. Still need to do discussion boards for Mother. I'm killing her softly every moment I put it off.

Nouveau Novels

2008-10-29T17:01:09Z

Oh the weather is turning so cold. It wouldn't be Halloween if the weather wasn't nearly sleeting in this town, but I don't want to see winter. And if I have to endure it, what I wouldn't give to be a firebender!

So I'm closer to completing my observation hours than I thought, which means I can spread my visits out to once a week if I want to make the assignment last to touch on all the reflective journals for the class. Meaning I get to stay toasty instead of going out into the biting wind again today.

I was on Facebook for like two seconds last night and Ben Boltinghouse opens up a chat right before I'm about to go elsewhere. He was curious about the "new book" mentioned in my status. I love talking entertainment and hobbies with Ben (when he gives me the chance). I love how he defends his choices and how smug he gets when I agree with how awesome they are. HIs ignorance about the Twilight series amused me though. I wouldn't expect him to know much about the fandom geared toward 14-year-old girls, but all the same, it's nice to be in a loop when he is not. Especially with the soundtrack and movie on their way.

All this talk about books and my finishing the Twilight series two nights ago has me on the hunt again, so I posted a new status looking for fiction recommendations. Already got some intriguing suggestions.

From Ben: The Dune Series by Frank Herbert
From Claire: Cloud of Sparrows and Autumn Bridge by Takashi Matsuoka
From Jessica: The Discworld Series by Terry Pratchett starting with The Color of Magic or Equal Rites

I also have all the ones Mom wrote down in that purse notebook of hers like The Teahouse Fire and Mr. Darcy's Wife or something like that. And I really really want to see that new Jasper Fford Nursery Crime novel soon. I need bigger (or at least more) bookshelves in this house. I'm out of space and while I could cast my books around the house like Meggie and Moe of InkHeart, I'm far too meticulous to allow such disorder. Plus organizing by title, series, or author is strangely soothing. I really must get that shelf in the living room better arranged. There's actually plenty of space in the den for another shelf. Or I could clear off all those CD cases of the other one in here but I think that shelf's too deep and I can't have books blocking other books (and where would all the CD cases go?) Really I must make sure I have plenty of bookshelves when I have a place of my own... And something akin to The Pocket Muse or A Really Useful Book would be nice too.

I Want Candy

2008-10-26T01:39:20Z

Was reading about Edward and Bella's honeymoon when Rhonda called. Brought some movies over and we watched She's the Man. Wally came in at some point, but left after the movie. Gonna leave soon myself. Rhonda called Mom when we knew she'd be home from church and there was something about her carrying a opossum out of the garage by its tail. I must get home and lecture her about the dangers of potentially rabid animals.

Watching My Cousin Vinny on tv right now. Rhonda's got loads of candy in preparation for Halloween so I'm getting me some of that. I don't feel too bad about it since I helped myself to an apple as well.